I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
