I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
