can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
