I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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