Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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