Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize