All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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