The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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