She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
