I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
