You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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