Ambien. No doubt about it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
