Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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