I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
