I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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