U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
