1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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