i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
