I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
