end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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