wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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