Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
