Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
