she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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