I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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