we have officially lost it.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
