I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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