He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Randomize
