woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
