yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
