guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
