I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
