just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
