i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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