So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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