apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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