perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
