idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
