I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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