Yo dont text me then not text me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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