The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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