you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
