my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
17 year olds will be the death of me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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