Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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