My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
