Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
