Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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