just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We're too hungover to prance.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
