Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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