A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
