so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
