ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Small penises have feelings too.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
