Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
