I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
