I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
