We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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