take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
