she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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