I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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