do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Rumble strips road head = magical
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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