I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
