mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Say something about gay babies.
we made out on top of his cat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
