6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
