I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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