Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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