im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
