I think I won the penis lottery.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
