ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
they're like a gay fantastic four
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
