do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize