I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
