i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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